Sunday, November 19, 2006

Sundays I Write Letters

RE: CH-CH-CH-CHECK IT OUT! NO. 05

Dear Ween,
Thank you for visiting my blog. I'm sure your Christmas gift recipients will be thankful that you visited my blog, too, once they receive their Turd Twisters.

Please tell them to exercise caution when using. If something goes wrong and medical treatment is needed, that's a tough one to explain. The "one-in-a-million-shot, doc" excuse won't work.

Sincerely,
T-Bud



RE: SUNDAYS I WRITE LETTERS

Dear KBezzie,
I don’t know why you have to pee on innocent non-breeders. Geez, leave them alone. I guess I’ll have to be the happy breeder who defends them (because by the time you’re old, I’ll be a breeder).

Sincerely,
T-Bud


Dear Mom,
You’d think KBezzie is getting old already with her grouchiness, huh? I guess the whole red and purple thing is a question for her.

Sincerely,
T-Bud



RE: PEEPING AT T-BUD

Dear Birdie,
I figured if anything you’d be peeping at your cat. I have to tell you that I changed my background. I now have Lazy Mountain on my screen. Hey, what a coincidence: Lazy Mountain and Pig is a lazy cat.

Sincerely,
T-Bud


Dear KBezzie,
Very good observation (about Pig). And, I must correct one thing: I don’t get hot easy. The fan is for my computer—it get’s hot easy.

Sincerely,
T-Bud


Dear Mom,
I think if anything I will give away my picnic table. I can’t imagine charging anyone for something I paid a whole $15 for and used for two years. Do you want it?

Sincerely,
T-Bud



RE: THINGS I’LL NEVER LEAVE BEHIND

Dear KBezzie,
You know you love the attention your Nippon shirt and your nipples bring you. No joke.

Sincerely,
T-Bud


Dear Mom,
I think you probably do remember that box. Some Hello Kitty dolls came in it. And Johannes's cat with the removable eyes—Johannes still had that cat when I left.

I am full of the devil. Don’t you know it. Be happy that I just have a couple of weird devil things and I have yet to get a devil tatt.

Sincerely,
T-Bud



RE: FINAL EXAM BOB

Dear Nik Budnik,
Thank you.

Sincerely,
T-Bud


Dear KBezzie,
Nik Budnik educated me about blunt bobs when I got that haircut awhile ago. She says blunt bobs are hard because they have to be very exact. Other than that, I don’t know. This is supposed to be a graduated bob.

The chin cutting does make the experience. Unfortunately, I’m asking myself if I should stop opting for the “better story.” One time it really was a mistake and I can't help wondering if I'm missing out on something genuinely good.

Sincerely,
T-Bud


Dear Mom,
Your self-haircuts scare me. I don’t think I could ever do it.

Oh, there’s one thing I haven’t told you. I AM a model. Oops! Forgot to mention that one. Thank you for the compliment.

Sincerely,
T-Bud



RE: DEAR SWEET JESUS!

Dear KBezzie,
I’m glad you enjoyed the link. I saw it and was like, how can I not inform KBezzie about this. Perhaps your calling is to write about this topic?

Sincerely,
T-Bud


Dear Mom,
Don’t freak out. I sent KBezzie a link about having a tightwad Christmas. KBezzie, being a tightwad, I knew would be interested. Don’t worry, you’re always kept in the loop about everything that is important and relevant.

Sincerely,
T-Bud



RE: CH-CH-CH-CHECK IT OUT! NO. 06

Dear KBezzie,
I didn’t recognize a whole lot of names. But, my PE/Health instructor is still there. THANK GOODNESS! Haha.

Um, I’m pretty sure that my Nanook could kick your UNC Bear ass. You wanna know why? Because Nanooks are superior. Plain and simple.

Sincerely,
T-Bud


Dear Mom,
You should write a memoir about a nonexistent education. Make your reader ponder if you ever really got an education if your school doesn’t exist. Oh, high school is pretty nonproductive. It’s because you still live with your parents, can’t make your own decisions, and pretty much don’t know anything. Can I trade my 4 years of high school in for 4 years later in my life?

Sincerely,
T-Bud



RE: BOOK REVIEW

Dear KBezzie,
First, you ARE a genius. Second, it is late, but those pieces are really only my favorites because the authors’ names are similar to mine. I like anyone with the first name of “Theresa.”

Sincerely,
T-Bud
P.S. I kid because I kare. I really worry about people with the name “Theresa.” I’m afraid they’ll give us Theresas a bad name.


Dear Mom,
What time is it there? I forgot to push back the clock in my car. Now I have to subtract an hour to know what time it is in Alaska. What are you saying about the books I read? If you got a problem with it, we can take it outside and settle it my way.

Sincerely,
T-Bud

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